Wednesday, June 20, 2012

The Tribulation Of Marcus (And Several Other Tales...) Now Available!

My Novella/short story collection is now officially out to the public, in paperback only. Any of you who enjoyed my short stories will find many more in this tome. Don't forget about the Novella, "The Tribulation Of Marcus." It's my infernal sequel to Dante's "divine comedy."

Except mine might actually make you laugh. I wonder if he'd get pissed about that? You can order it from the link at the bottom. E-Books are coming, I just suck at making them. But I promise, I'm going to have some ready for this little book and my other two novels.

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http://www.lulu.com/shop/eric-may/the-tribulation-of-marcus-and-several-other-tales-of-utter-drivel/paperback/product-20213143.html

Yes, "The Man Who Wanted To Be Peanut Butter" is in there. Enjoy!

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Call Me Maybe? Maybe Not.

It hasn't been but a few weeks, but this fucking spit on the face of music is now everywhere. It's the face of Wii-U's "Sing" game, and it's appaered on Leno and the guy that comes on after him, as well as many other damned places. I'm sure there are more. Many more.

The lyrics of the song are by far some of the worst I've every heard. These couldn't be any ditzier, any more devoid of sense. She just met the guy and already decides to just randomly give out her number. Wow, this is telling all of the young women in our society to open themselves wide to axe-murders, rapists and god knows who else. Problem is, these are earworms and they help to brainwash young, under-devloped minds.

At work, I can pretty much tell you how every single song on the radio goes - because they play them religiously. The hit radio stations blare songs like this one, and create hits. Then you have them on the media and in television shows. It's hell. But there is good music out there, it's just not going to be found amdist the shit on the radio. You've got to look at the underground artists out there. You've got to support the local groups and singers. They do exist. There are people everyday who come out with their own music, with their own voice.

There are still singers and songwriters who are interested in crafting songs that leave you with a message, or explain to you something you didn't know. There are still songs about struggles and about real topics. If you want love songs, all of the good ones have already been written years ago. Try the 60's, 70's even 80's. This is when America actually cared about ingenuity. Now they just push out crap - as I've said time and time again.

I can only wonder what foolish mind-numbing garbage will come out next from the bowels of pop music. But it nauseates me just thinking about it.

Hang up the phone, and don't call this bitch back.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

The Allegory Of The Sandwich

Two men are on their lunch break, when one of them pulls out a sandwich. It is covered in mayonaise, but has inklings of baloney and cheese. The other man pulls out another sandwich. It's certainly not everyone's favorite, but he enjoys it.

The man next to him says, "You really ought to try my sandwich. The peppers in that sandwich can give you heartburn, and I've heard that the kind of bread you're eating it on may give you cancer."

The man replies, "No thank you. I appreciate the offer - but I don't like mayo." Of course, he knows full well that the peppers are hot and the bread might be hazardous to his health, but they say that everything gives you cancer these days. So he might as well enjoy it.

"My sandwich won't give you heartburn, and the bread should go down easy." The other man replies.

"No thank you." The man says again. "I don't much care for mayonaise."

It's not that the man wouldn't try the other sandwich of course; it's just that it has a glopping heap of mayonaise, and he just doesn't like mayonaise.

Yet the man continued. "I feel bad for you, that you have to eat that sandwich."

The other man turned to him and looked confused. "How could he feel bad about me eating this?" he thought. It was a dmaned good sandwich, just the way his mother made. Just like his father ate, and his father before him. It was a traditional sandwich.

"I'll give you one more chance. Try my sandwich." The other man retorted.

"And I'll decline one more time. As I've told you, I do not like mayoniase. It's just not my thing, and you've got mayonaise all over your sandwich." he boldly proclaimed.

"Mayonaise is good." The other man replied. He then took a bite. "See? You could be eating this."

"But I don't want to." said the other man. "I'm quite happy with what I've got, and quite frankly, that looks like a mess."

"Suit yourself." The other man replied, continuing to eat his sandwich.

Finally, after the man quit berateing him about that blasted sandwich; he then took a bite of his own. He remembered why it was that he liked the sandwich so much, how the hot and spicy peppers and special bread hit just the spot every time. He also preferred a nice slice of sharp chedder, compared to the boring old cheese at which the other man ate.

To him, this was a sandwich. And it was a damned good one.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

So Long, Castlevania!

As I said, I'm about to rant and rave about this:





Yes, it's Castlevania: Lord Of Shadows 2. Why? How? These are the questions I ask myself as I watch this trailer. Not only did the last Lord Of Shadows completely rip off PS2 titles, God Of War and Shadow Of The Collossus, but it also is referenced as just a mediocre game overall. I've played it myself - it's nothing even remotely like Castlevania. Don't kid yourself.

First of all, we're still playing as Dracula. Still. Maybe that's good, but Soma Cruz was Dracula enough for me. I don't actually want to play as Dracula with a whip. That destroys the whole concept of the series. The vampire killer was the whip used to kill Dracula, so why in the hell is he using it? All right, perhaps it's not "the" vampire killer, but it certainly works the same.

And since you're Dracula, who are you going to battle again? The devil? Seriously, that pissed me off when I found out that the devil was the enemy. I knew that the Metal Gear guy was going to fuck this up. These days all franchises are worn out and need to be scrapped I guess. Megaman got the fucking boot, Castlevania got turned into money making trash, and Metal Gear is now Ninja Gaiden.

Just wait, a fun kiddie-based Mario FPS will soon release. He'll shoot stars or something out of the gun, but it will be the same thing. I never thought in all my days that gaming would go down the tubes and become so fucking corporate. Even when they do bring back an old franchise, they manage to further fuck it up. I am glad the Xenosaga stopped at 3, and Xenoblade needs to be the final for that. Chrono Break? No fucking way, not now. Unless some indie group is on it, I wouldn't even hold my breath for it.

Final Fantasy has already proved to me that RPG's are going down the shitter, unless you want to lose your life into an MMO with people that should be out enjoying themselves with their families, not forgetting to eat and sleep because of a game. I remember the old days, when we'd play a lot - but I never heard of anyone skipping a meal; and if it happened, it was because that game was good.

Marriages even falter because of... GAMES! Yeah, can you believe that people are too busy playing games to even enjoy marriage? That's why porn is up so high these days, because even married people don't seem to like what they've got, or would rather play games.

But back to my subject. I really never thought that in all my years of gaming, that the franchises we grew up with would turn into shit like this. It's all about milking your franchise instead of adding to it. It's all about taking from other games, instead of introducing your own gameplay mechanics. I've been a fan of Castlevania for a very long time and just wish they'd throwback it like Megaman, Mario, Donkey Kong (even though it didn't work) and Kirby. The throwback games here worked. People enjoyed them.

Nobody needed another 3D Castlevania. Do you know that there are people that still play the Online Co-Op Castlevania because they still love that style of gaming? years after it's release, people still play. But I've even still found a great number of people playing the original Neverwinter Nights game. Believe it or not. I'm currently playing Baldur's Gate (Yes, the first one) and am enjoying it thus far.

They aim to make a BG3, but I think, just as everything else (Dungeon Siege 3, Diablo III) they'll FUCK IT UP AGAIN. Dragon Age Origins was great. Dragon Age 2 became a mindless and boring hack and slash. X-Men Generations looked like it could bring back the X-Men Legends style of gameplay, they even managed to fuck it up again.

I'm gonna be honest with you, folks. This is one of the only games I'm looking forward to:


And this one:


This one, too:


And anything that shows up here: http://www.nintendocfc.com/ (Should be in October.)

But as for next year, it's this:




Please don't fuck this one up too.




Why must We View The Dead, In Order To Pay Our Respects?

This one's going to be quick, since I've only got twenty minutes to type it. I never understood why we as a society feel that it's necessary to view the dead husk of a soul as way to pay our respects to them. This to me, has always been one of the most vile and morbid practices out there and I think it's not a good thing for our health either. When we see a treasured loved one that we remembered and cherished in this life as dead, it does nothing more than cause us to unecessarily grieve over them.

Grieving is good for the soul, some say. Perhaps that's true, but as for me I'd like to remember the dead as they were when they still were alive. This is why I don't like going to funerals or viewings. I don't want to see the person buried in the casket - that's just disheartewning and depressing. I know that people around me will die as we all do, but I really like the idea of celebrating their life with a day of rememberance, not mourning their death. Everyone has their time to go, and we should accept it as a part of life and be thankful that we got to chance to see and to be around them when they were alive.

Everyone has their own unique journey, and each one of them is interesting and full of more twists and turns than any bestseller ever written. People have been through fascintaing things that we can't even imagine, or can't even come to imagine; and we should be thankful for the time that they had with us. Death is the eternal promise, it is the impossible hurdle. It comes, whether you want it to or not.

But we should not think of the loved one as having lived unfulfilled, because they lived as the universe dictated them, and did what they were meant to accomplish. I don't want a funeral personally, with all of my favorite heavy metal songs blaring out the speakers of the funeral home. I just want a simple celebration of my life. If I died tomorrow, I'd want you to actually sit down and read the words I wrote, whether they be in one of my books, or on my blogs. Because this is what I want to be known for.

I am a man of words, a man who wants no tombstone; nor do I want to be in any six foot prison of dirt and maggots. Cremate me and throw my ashes asunder when I've left this world. I don't want anyone to stare at my preserved husk. It's just rather creepy and morbid to me, really.

It also might keep the zombie population down :)

But seriously, folks. Be thankful for the time you have with the person, and remember them when they were alive. Don't mourn for them, because chances are that they are much better off now in the afterworld; then they ever were in this one. Nobody wants to lose those they love, but it happens.

Be thankful for each and every single fucking day that you get with another person. You really never know just what might happen to them.

In a few hours, I'm going to rant and rave about the new Castlevania; so that'll get our minds off this rather sullen topic.